Some very important news from the Onion that is right on target:
“WASHINGTON—Unless immediate measures are taken, the delicate balance of local claims adjuster Doug Mahoney, 39, could soon collapse, an international panel of leading conservationists warned Monday.
“Decades of irresponsible consumption, as well as the plundering of vital emotional resources have reduced this once-thriving human being to almost nothing,” said Phillip Bowman, coauthor of the report and a professor of ecology at Stanford University. “It’s frightening, but at the rate that he’s going, Mr. Mahoney may be completely depleted by the year 2012.”
Added Bowman, “There’s barely anything left of him as it is.”
According to the report, over the past 30 years a series of external pressures—including the monotony of work, dysfunctional personal relationships, and the frustrations of daily life—have wreaked havoc on the fragile Washington resident. A number of man-made disturbances, such as Mahoney’s divorce and the death of his father, Jim, also contributed to the rapid physical and mental deterioration of the formerly pristine man, the report found.” Read the rest of this important news story…